Seven years ago, I finally put a name on the disease that has ruled my life since I was a little girl. No – not a disease. An illness. A mental illness.

You hear the expression "mental illness" and you immediately think schizophrenia or, let's be real, crazy. You're not the only one. Until that day, I thought the exact same. Only crazy people have mental illnesses, right?

Oh, wrong. So wrong.

Emetophobia is a mental illness, and it's surprisingly very common. Don't know what it is? Let me give you a clue. Emeto-phobia. Yup, you got it. It's a phobia. And to be more precise, it's the phobia of vomiting. And if you recognize yourself in there, well, you're not the only one. Welcome to the club.

A good chunk of people have emetophobia, but only a small number of them actually know that there's a name for it. They know that they're terrified of vomiting to the point that that getting hit by a pterodactyl in the middle of an erupting volcano sounds much, much better, but that's about it. And when people ask them why they don't drink alcohol or eat sushi at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant down the road, they hide their strange fear and say that they hate alcohol and raw fish, because that sounds a lot better than admitting they have a fear of vomiting. 

For the record, it doesn't sound better. It just sounds stupid.

The thing with emetophobia is that, while some people will have anxiety every day of their lives because of it, most people will go on completely unaffected. Who in the world vomits or deals with vomit daily, you get me? But then, out of nowhere, you hear the word "virus." The cold sweats come first, followed by the knot in the chest. Am I dying? Probably. Your stomach clenches and your mouth is dry. You look around as if you can actually see the virus, as if it's a tangible human being. It's not. You can't see it, and it hits you out of nowhere if you're not careful.

So now you recognize yourself, right? Thought so. 

I missed many school days because of this stupid phobia. As soon as a stomach bug epidemic started, my phobia kicked in. So many nights did I go to bed stressing out and counting the minutes until I would start feeling sick. And the sickness never even came – or almost. I've had the stomach bug five times in my life, and I remember each date perfectly. 

Emetophobia has also cut down my circle of friends. I've never been on a roller coaster that goes upside down. I've never been drunk either, but that doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I never got to go to Six Flags with my friends. I dreaded touching doorknobs in public places. Don't even get me started on the pole in the subway. "Hey, wanna hang out? But just so you know, I was sick all week." Loooool. Nope. Can't see you for three months – that's how long viruses live on surfaces. And facing the dilemma of running out of sanitizer but having to go out in public to get some more was the tip of the iceberg. 

That was me seven years ago, and it's still a little bit me today. It'll always be me. 

Emetophobia is, for most people, not a daily issue. The phobia only hits under certain circumstances or at certain times of the year. But it starts being a problem when it affects your everyday life like it once did for me. 

I got over it. I had to. It became a severe problem for me when I had to miss days of school because of an epidemic, or when I was tempted to call in sick at work because someone had been sick. Or when I actually considered never having kids because I was terrified of morning sickness and day care epidemics. 

Completely getting over emetophobia is most likely impossible. I'll always be scared of vomiting. But, thankfully, I've found ways to control my phobia. Every day is hard work, especially at this time of year when viruses are all over the place. But my friends and family are very understanding of my problem, and instead of hiding it and saying that I hate raw fish, I just full on admit that I'd rather not risk getting sick. Or I suggest another restaurant, maybe some place where I know the sushi is fresh.

You might not be ready or able to move on right now, or maybe moving on seems impossible, but you can at least try. These next five tips have helped me over the years, but if they don't help you, then that's also fine. As long as you find a way to deal with your emetophobia without it ruining your life, then you're doing something good. And never be ashamed of your fears. Life wouldn't exist without them.

Spot and understand your triggers. A big trigger of mine is finding myself in a crowd. I start getting hot, uncomfortable, and then I start feeling sick. And with the feeling of sickness comes a panic attack of emetophobia that completely takes over my body. Breathe, I tell myself, but unfortunately, it doesn't always work. So I avoid big crowds, or I stay on the sides or in the back. 

Find something you love and go for it. It can be your husband, wife, kids, animals, job, hobby. It can be anything, and the possibilities are endless. I personally love writing. It's my passion, and focusing on my writing has helped me so much. I'd rather puke every once in a while than never be able to write again, so if you find something that you love enough to slowly get over emetophobia, then you're taking a big step forward. 

Stop relying on hand sanitizer. That shit doesn't work anyway. You can use it before eating and stuff like that, but stop using it all the time. Stop carrying a bottle around. Stop breathing it. The more you apply it, the more you'll get sick because of all the good antibodies you're killing. It's easier said than done, but it's such a relief to finally accept the fact that germs aren't always that bad.

You'll throw up one day, whether you like it or not. That's the ugly truth. It'll happen, and it'll probably take you by surprise. Sickness is a bitch. But you'll live, so who cares? It's going to suck for a few hours, and then you'll forget all about it.

Have fun. Chances are, whatever you do won't even make you sick. Start slowly if you have to, but stop holding back. You only have one life to live, and it fucking sucks to not live it fully because you're scared of vomiting. Some people live with health problems that make them vomit 24/7. Be happy that's not you and think of them when you finally step out of your comfort zone doing things they'll never be able to

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